Thoughts On The Dead

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All Man, Brother

This is Bobby with Dickey Betts, who was a grown man who allowed people to call him “Dickey.”

All Man, Brother

This is Bobby with Dickey Betts, who was a grown man who allowed people to call him “Dickey.”

MLB Jam

To Billy, the only man who’s ever managed to make “crazy old fuck” a verb.

MLB Jam

To Billy, the only man who’s ever managed to make “crazy old fuck” a verb.

Mr. Weir’s Neighborhood

Mr. Weir’s Neighborhood

bobby 78 denim color

“Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there. Welcome to Bobby’s Birthday Blowout. It’s not my birthday, but it’s someone’s, right? So we’re going to celebrate and learn and have fun doing it, just like we do every afternoon.

“Today, your pal Bobby is backstage at a festival. Can you say “festival?” If you can’t, there’s probably something wrong with you.

“Remember when we talked about friends? You should…

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Boo!

Scary, right?

Boo!

Scary, right?

Touchdown Palace

The new OS for the Time Sheath technology went haywire and, long story short, the Dead were legal signatories to the NFL’s new drug policy.

Garcia was suspended for four shows, then eight, then a dozen, then an entire tour, at which point the Drug Policy was rewritten to include the phrase “None of this applies to Garcia,” and very quickly after that “None of this applies to anyone except Billy,…

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The Pump(kin) Song

One year, Phil jammed around a gram of uncut pumpkin spice up his ass and ran around the mall farting on strangers.

“AUTUMN IS IN THE AIR,” he crowed at top volume and the white girls couldn’t even.

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He’s Got A Type

Here’s how Bobby likes his foxes nowadays: blonde, having orgasms for no discernible reason, and wearing Luke Skywalker’s tunic from Tatooine.

He’s Got A Type

Here’s how Bobby likes his foxes nowadays: blonde, having orgasms for no discernible reason, and wearing Luke Skywalker’s tunic from Tatooine.

An Open Letter To Sirius/XM

An Open Letter To Sirius/XM

Dear Grateful Dead Channel on the satellite radio thing,

Stop playing Phil’s version of Broken Arrow fourteen times a day. It’s a swell tune with a catchy chorus; it’s right in Phil’s range and he knows the words; it’s professionally performed with energy and enthusiasm: no one needs to hear it ever again.

Sincerely,

Thoughts on the Dead

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Damn Near Kilt ‘Em

Damn Near Kilt ‘Em

Both Bobby and Brent were with the Scottish for purely aesthetic reasons: Bobby admired a people who shared his love of the manly gam (this might explain Bobby’s secret funding of the Bermuda Revolution of Tuesday Afternoon, which was a failure as far as revolutions go, but as a party was also disastrous); Brent–as you know–digs the ginger face ‘fro.

Billy laid out a rather cogent and balanced…

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Saturday’s Child All Grown

Saturday’s Child All Grown

Billy has no idea what everyone’s problem with Adrian Peterson is: he once disciplined Justin by hurling a homemade razor-tipped boomerang at him that, because Billy is neither good at making things nor an Aboriginal hunter, sailed wide right and hit a police horse.

Bobby has never thought about employing any kind of violence on his children, as he was not taught it as a kid. (Punishing children…

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Lend A Hand

Behind the poster, Bobby’s getting an AC/DC two-hander and life is good.

Lend A Hand

Behind the poster, Bobby’s getting an AC/DC two-hander and life is good.